Family Matters

We've all heard the expression 'she wears several hats' used to describe the state of playing multiple (and sometimes conflicting) roles in a process or relationship. 

It's a higher level of multi-tasking. If this is something you find difficult to do, this article's for you. 

How to cope with wearing many hats

Recognize all your roles

Some parents fight the role of disciplinarian. Others with multiple children try to avoid being the judge or referee in their children's lives. Unfortunately our children, loved ones and partners will not stop needing us to play our roles just because we don't like the role. Sometimes they stop expecting or asking us to play our part, but the responsibility remains ours.

It may take a while but you can list out all the roles that are expected of you by your partners or loved ones. This is the first step. 

Make a list, then discuss it with them. You would be pleasantly surprised by how well you understand their expectations. You may also discover significant differences. Your list should include serious as well as fun things. 

Actually spelling out what each role requires in time, skill and other resources can help you to decide upfront if you can play the role, or if you have to modify your life (calendar, skill level, et al) to suit the role.

This is business -  it's personal

Treat each role as a product or service that you sell, and each person as a customer. From TV I got two powerful statements: "It's not personal, it's business" and the very powerful response "Everything is personal if you're a person" To be a great salesman, you've got to know your products, but more importantly, you've got to know your customer. 

Talking with the people you relate with regularly and asking how they feel about what you do for them is very important. You've got to do it regularly but after a reasonable interval. People change - which means what you thought was great yesterday could become awful today. Keep in touch. 

Keep stock

You've got to remember how many packs of criticism you've supplied in the past three months. How many bags of hope and encouragement. How many vaccinations of praise. This matters - if you forget, then you can't defend yourself if your customer forgets.

If you've got a melancholic customer who always forgets about your hope and encouragement supplies, then you need to start delivering them through means they must acknowledge and that can be placed in their faces all day. 

If on the other hand you've got an amped customer who easily forgets corrections and constructive criticism, you've also got to get them to sign for it, in a way they won't forget. 

Remember why

Remember why you're in this. Funny as it may seem, it's some version of... Love. Yes, love. We're in relationships because we are committing ourselves to doing good to the other person (aka loving them). 

So when deciding on your supplies to your customers, remember to ask whether the contents are loving. It's always personal because you are dealing with a person. Every little thing matters - because it's a person that's receiving it. If they will ask themselves why, then you should too. Always ask "why am I doing this? Is this showing love?"

Think long term 

Once in a while ask yourself "if I couldn't be here anymore, if this relationship came to an end, what would its sum total come to?" What will they remember me for? Do they even have things to remember me by? 

Try these out and drop me a line anytime so we can chat further. Wishing you all the best in managing your hat collection!

If you liked this article please let me know (post a comment below) and if you think a friend would like it, share it with them. Thanks for reading. 

SUICIDE: YOU KILLED MORE THAN YOURSELF. By Abimbola Iyabo Aina-Alao

SUICIDE: YOU KILLED MORE THAN YOURSELF.

Wanna kill yourself? Imagine this. You come home from school one day. You’ve had yet another horrible day. You’re just ready to give up. So you go to your room, close the door, and take out that suicide note you’ve written and rewritten over and over and over You take out those razor blades, and cut for the very last time.

You grab that bottle of pills and take them all. Laying down, holding the letter to your chest, you close your eyes for the very last time. A few hours later, your little brother knocks on your door to come tell you dinners ready. You don’t answer, so he walks in. All he sees is you laying on your bed, so he thinks you’re asleep. He tells your mom this.

Your mom goes to your room to wake you up. She notices something is odd. She grabs the paper in your hand and reads it. Sobbing, she tries to wake you up. She’s screaming your name. Your brother, so confused, runs to go tell Dad that “Mommy is crying and sissy won’t wake up.” Your dad runs to your room. He looks at your mom, crying, holding the letter to her chest, sitting next to your lifeless body. It hits him, what’s going on, and he screams. He screams and throws something at the wall. And then, falling to his knees, he starts to cry. Your mom crawls over to him, and they sit there, holding each other, crying.

The next day at school, there’s an announcement. The principal tells everyone about your suicide. It takes a few seconds for it to sink in, and once it does, everyone goes silent. Everyone blames themselves. Your teachers think they were too hard on you. Those mean popular girls, they think of all the things they’ve said to you. That boy that used to tease you and call you names, he can’t help but hate himself for never telling you how beautiful you really are.

Your ex boyfriend, the one that you told everything to, that broke up with you.. He can’t handle it. He breaks down and starts crying, and runs out of the school. Your friends? They’re sobbing too, wondering how they could never see that anything was wrong, wishing they could have helped you before it was too late. And your best friend? She’s in shock. She can’t believe it. She knew what you were going through, but she never thought it would get that bad… Bad enough for you to end it. She can’t cry, she can’t feel anything. She stands up, walks out of the classroom, and just sinks to the floor. Shaking, screaming, but no tears coming out. It’s a few days later, at your funeral.

The whole town came. Everyone knew you, that girl with the bright smile and bubbly personality. The one that was always there for them, the shoulder to cry on. Lots of people talk about all the good memories they had with you, there were a lot. Everyone’s crying, your little brother still doesn’t know you killed yourself, he’s too young. Your parents just said you died. It hurts him, a lot. You were his big sister, you were supposed to always be there for him. Your best friend, she stays strong through the entire service, but as soon as they start lowering your casket into the ground, she just loses it. She cries and cries and doesn’t stop for days.

It’s two years later. Your teachers all quit their job. Those mean girls have eating disorders now. That boy that used to tease you cuts himself. Your ex boyfriend doesn’t know how to love anymore and just sleeps around with girls. Your friends all go into depression. Your best friend? She tried to kill herself. She didn’t succeed like you did, but she tried…your brother? He finally found out the truth about your death. He self harms, he cries at night, he does exactly what you did for years leading up to your suicide. Your parents? Their marriage fell apart. Your dad became a workaholic to distract himself from your death. Your mom got diagnosed with depression and just lays in bed all day.

People care. You may not think so, but they do. Your choices don’t just affect you. They affect everyone. Don’t end your life, you have so much to live for. Things can’t get better if you give up. I’m here for absolutely anyone that needs to talk, no matter who you are. Even if we’ve NEVER talked before, I’m here for you.

Copy and paste this as your status to show people there are people out there that care. Let's see who actually read all of it.
For anyone that feels this way, we are trying to demonstrate that someone's always listening.

#SuicideAwareness

Savings

It's been a while, but I'm back at this. Somehow I believe it will help someone 'out there'... More on that later.

Today I just realised that part of the reason why I failed miserably in the past when I tried to save money was because I didn't really think it through.

There are a number of simple reasons why your savings plan could be dead on arrival. I'll use the seed and bread analogy from Jesus.

You're trying to save your bread. Bread is meant to be eaten. If you haven't earned enough money to feed yourself, it will be very hard to save anything.

You're trying to save seed while it's planting season. If you hold onto your seed (money, skills, etc) at the time when you should be investing, when harvest time comes (or when your bills fall due) you will end up spending that seed.

You don't know when the seasons change. This is a painful one. Distractions can keep you from knowing when your planting season or harvest season comes.

You can't tell the difference between seed, flour and bread. Seed is anything you have or know that is of value. Flour is seed that has been processed for storage and use later. Flour is a form of savings. You can save to invest later or to eat later.

You need to realise that you can save all three, but in different ways and for different periods of time.