Some people can become so hooked to the familiar, so addicted to their background that they would rather hear the sugar-coated curses of their village people than have an open conversation with their future - their new normal.
God declared in Genesis that a man will leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This is the Master's design. It is the best model for successful marriage. This however does not make it easy to do.
Is it really hard to follow God's path?
Yes. And no. It is hard at the beginning. Jesus said that the path to paradise is narrow and is found by few people. He pretty much said that doing his will was like carrying a burden or wearing a yoke. So it is hard: somewhat. Jesus cleared this up by saying that his yoke is easy, and his burden is light.
So how and why is it hard to follow God's design? Well, firstly because we're coming out from the world. In the world, we had a way of 'doing life' (Romans 12:2) but Jesus calls us to live differently.
Without physically leaving our old 'world' behind, we are asked to start living a new life. Hence Jesus said you are in the world but you are no longer of it. The old way of doing life will surround you as you try to live the new way.
So there will be a contest or conflict for your attention. Jesus says we should not toy with this. He said we have to choose a master and stick with him. Paul said the same thing.
In life and in marriage, we have to decide whose program, whose instructions we will adopt: the familiar, old way of life or the new way of life.
Everyday, in the face of the voice of the past, we as believers have to decide to live life God's way.
May we enjoy the benefits of hearing and obeying God's voice everyday.
If you liked this article please let me know (post a comment below) and if you think a friend would like it, share it with them. Thanks for reading.
Sunday, June 9, 2019
Thursday, June 6, 2019
Past the finish line
It's 11:14am and I'm tired.
God is still faithful. It's been an interesting few days.
Lessons learned:
Stay positive. You can't afford to get bogged down with negative facts. Apparently there are a number of Nigerians right now who are very afraid of what the future holds for the country. As believers we don't disregard our physical environment but we're not ruled by it.
Stay objective:
This is one that keeps me busy. In writing this blog piece I've had to edit my sentences a few times. In the paragraph above I initially wrote 'there are many Nigerians'. I changed it to 'there are quite a number of Nigerians', then finally 'there are a number of Nigerians'. 😂 God help me.
While you're yet to become awesome, please be consistent. I've made the error of letting up on some contacts recently and lost time on those deals. On the farm/gardening project, I've benefitted from going down regularly and staying in the greenhouse just a little longer... I see tasks to add to the work schedule, etc.
There's something about timing
Flow with the times. There are seasons of high activity and seasons of calm. Don't fight the waves, ride them. Learn to rest when there's a pause in the sequence of activities you planned. I've received a lot of refreshing by totally turning off all my devices during some of these rest periods. For a heavy device user, I know it helps.
Another side to timing is that you have to be patient. I've followed up contacts to exasperation - and it strains the relationship. Let people breathe. Also don't frustrate yourself by trying to rush God.
I'm in a season where I'm manufacturing my own happiness. I've had the privilege of having key people (who I thought were obliged or covenanted to treat me right) properly let me down or shut me out, so it's a beautiful training ground. I'm learning to stop making gods out of men.
Please note that in some of these relationships, I am the one who failed on my promises, triggering a shut down. Nonetheless, the lesson is gained and life is better.
Please work on your key relationships - don't expect what you haven't invested, and don't make gods out of mere men.
About the finish line:
Finish something everyday. PLEASE. You'll be glad you did. I struggle with trying to make everything perfect - such that I never finish anything. I catch myself saying "you need to move forward, fast". This enforces a sense of never attaining (anything), always being in motion, but never arriving. It's terrible. I'm done with it.
I've finished this post - it's rich, informative and (hopefully) typo-free. Please flag any typos you see. Thanks!
If you liked this article please let me know (post a comment below) and if you think a friend would like it, share it with them. Thanks for reading.
God is still faithful. It's been an interesting few days.
Lessons learned:
Stay positive. You can't afford to get bogged down with negative facts. Apparently there are a number of Nigerians right now who are very afraid of what the future holds for the country. As believers we don't disregard our physical environment but we're not ruled by it.
Stay objective:
This is one that keeps me busy. In writing this blog piece I've had to edit my sentences a few times. In the paragraph above I initially wrote 'there are many Nigerians'. I changed it to 'there are quite a number of Nigerians', then finally 'there are a number of Nigerians'. 😂 God help me.
While you're yet to become awesome, please be consistent. I've made the error of letting up on some contacts recently and lost time on those deals. On the farm/gardening project, I've benefitted from going down regularly and staying in the greenhouse just a little longer... I see tasks to add to the work schedule, etc.
There's something about timing
Flow with the times. There are seasons of high activity and seasons of calm. Don't fight the waves, ride them. Learn to rest when there's a pause in the sequence of activities you planned. I've received a lot of refreshing by totally turning off all my devices during some of these rest periods. For a heavy device user, I know it helps.
Another side to timing is that you have to be patient. I've followed up contacts to exasperation - and it strains the relationship. Let people breathe. Also don't frustrate yourself by trying to rush God.
I'm in a season where I'm manufacturing my own happiness. I've had the privilege of having key people (who I thought were obliged or covenanted to treat me right) properly let me down or shut me out, so it's a beautiful training ground. I'm learning to stop making gods out of men.
Please note that in some of these relationships, I am the one who failed on my promises, triggering a shut down. Nonetheless, the lesson is gained and life is better.
Please work on your key relationships - don't expect what you haven't invested, and don't make gods out of mere men.
About the finish line:
Finish something everyday. PLEASE. You'll be glad you did. I struggle with trying to make everything perfect - such that I never finish anything. I catch myself saying "you need to move forward, fast". This enforces a sense of never attaining (anything), always being in motion, but never arriving. It's terrible. I'm done with it.
I've finished this post - it's rich, informative and (hopefully) typo-free. Please flag any typos you see. Thanks!
If you liked this article please let me know (post a comment below) and if you think a friend would like it, share it with them. Thanks for reading.
Tuesday, February 5, 2019
2019 Elections
The 2019 elections are almost here.
For a long time I have been advising people to get involved in every way that they can. Starting from going to register to get a permanent voters card to joining a political party to engaging political candidates, asking them questions, challenging them about their candidacy and possible time of service if and when they win the elections, I have constantly driven or pushed for people to get involved.
As I write this the 2019 elections are roughly two weeks away for the presidential and a month away for the gubernatorial.
A lot of people think that voting for a new generation candidate is not a good idea. On the contrary I think it is the most important thing that we could possibly do right now for our future.
Some people believe that it will take a long time for a fresh set of people with a greater degree of focus and drive towards results and efficiency to get into political office and serve - I completely disagree with that because as of right now both inside the established political parties as well as in the new political parties there are people of this nature already involved - already campaigning already contesting for political office and several of them will win.
This is not the first time that such will happen several of the younger result-oriented and reoriented Nigerians have made it into mainstream parties and are presently serving even though in the midst of many people who hold the former persuasions about how government should be run.
I believe that we should have a massive upsurge of new generation results-based equity-based candidates and individuals registering in the mainstream and the new political parties for every level of political office in this country. I believe the upsurge should not stop until the point where every single candidate for every single office in both old and new parties is forced to adopt a lifestyle and an ideology of delivering good results, equitable service proper results in their tenure when they get elected.
So for people who are thinking that this is not a good time for a younger or a result-based president to arise or to contest you are very wrong you are delaying your own future because if they do not contest now the message will not go out that this is possible...
We will waste 4 years being deceived being deluded, being delayed. It is better that we have many right-minded, result oriented properly tuned candidates run for the various offices we have in this country rather than wait.
Contesting now builds knowledge and experience in electioneering.
Contesting now makes a statement to the masses who hope that justice and equity will be elevated in this nation, but have no one personify that hope.
Contesting now puts pressure on the poor performers and fraudsters to stay away from public office.
Contesting now puts pressure on INEC to avoid error and fraud.
All fraudsters and charlatans are being warned by the local and international community that they will not sieze the seats illegally, and per chance they do, there will be repercussions within and without the country.
So please encourage everyone who stands up for justice, equity, good governance, free and fair elections, service to humanity with humility, probity/transparency and accountability.
We will have a better Nigeria than we've ever had - it's up to us.
For a long time I have been advising people to get involved in every way that they can. Starting from going to register to get a permanent voters card to joining a political party to engaging political candidates, asking them questions, challenging them about their candidacy and possible time of service if and when they win the elections, I have constantly driven or pushed for people to get involved.
As I write this the 2019 elections are roughly two weeks away for the presidential and a month away for the gubernatorial.
A lot of people think that voting for a new generation candidate is not a good idea. On the contrary I think it is the most important thing that we could possibly do right now for our future.
Some people believe that it will take a long time for a fresh set of people with a greater degree of focus and drive towards results and efficiency to get into political office and serve - I completely disagree with that because as of right now both inside the established political parties as well as in the new political parties there are people of this nature already involved - already campaigning already contesting for political office and several of them will win.
This is not the first time that such will happen several of the younger result-oriented and reoriented Nigerians have made it into mainstream parties and are presently serving even though in the midst of many people who hold the former persuasions about how government should be run.
I believe that we should have a massive upsurge of new generation results-based equity-based candidates and individuals registering in the mainstream and the new political parties for every level of political office in this country. I believe the upsurge should not stop until the point where every single candidate for every single office in both old and new parties is forced to adopt a lifestyle and an ideology of delivering good results, equitable service proper results in their tenure when they get elected.
So for people who are thinking that this is not a good time for a younger or a result-based president to arise or to contest you are very wrong you are delaying your own future because if they do not contest now the message will not go out that this is possible...
We will waste 4 years being deceived being deluded, being delayed. It is better that we have many right-minded, result oriented properly tuned candidates run for the various offices we have in this country rather than wait.
Contesting now builds knowledge and experience in electioneering.
Contesting now makes a statement to the masses who hope that justice and equity will be elevated in this nation, but have no one personify that hope.
Contesting now puts pressure on the poor performers and fraudsters to stay away from public office.
Contesting now puts pressure on INEC to avoid error and fraud.
All fraudsters and charlatans are being warned by the local and international community that they will not sieze the seats illegally, and per chance they do, there will be repercussions within and without the country.
So please encourage everyone who stands up for justice, equity, good governance, free and fair elections, service to humanity with humility, probity/transparency and accountability.
We will have a better Nigeria than we've ever had - it's up to us.
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
Family Matters
We've all heard the expression 'she wears several hats' used to describe the state of playing multiple (and sometimes conflicting) roles in a process or relationship.
It's a higher level of multi-tasking. If this is something you find difficult to do, this article's for you.
How to cope with wearing many hats
Recognize all your roles
Some parents fight the role of disciplinarian. Others with multiple children try to avoid being the judge or referee in their children's lives. Unfortunately our children, loved ones and partners will not stop needing us to play our roles just because we don't like the role. Sometimes they stop expecting or asking us to play our part, but the responsibility remains ours.
It may take a while but you can list out all the roles that are expected of you by your partners or loved ones. This is the first step.
Make a list, then discuss it with them. You would be pleasantly surprised by how well you understand their expectations. You may also discover significant differences. Your list should include serious as well as fun things.
This is business - it's personal
Treat each role as a product or service that you sell, and each person as a customer. From TV I got two powerful statements: "It's not personal, it's business" and the very powerful response "Everything is personal if you're a person" To be a great salesman, you've got to know your products, but more importantly, you've got to know your customer.
Talking with the people you relate with regularly and asking how they feel about what you do for them is very important. You've got to do it regularly but after a reasonable interval. People change - which means what you thought was great yesterday could become awful today. Keep in touch.
Keep stock
You've got to remember how many packs of criticism you've supplied in the past three months. How many bags of hope and encouragement. How many vaccinations of praise. This matters - if you forget, then you can't defend yourself if your customer forgets.
If you've got a melancholic customer who always forgets about your hope and encouragement supplies, then you need to start delivering them through means they must acknowledge and that can be placed in their faces all day.
If on the other hand you've got an amped customer who easily forgets corrections and constructive criticism, you've also got to get them to sign for it, in a way they won't forget.
Remember why
Remember why you're in this. Funny as it may seem, it's some version of... Love. Yes, love. We're in relationships because we are committing ourselves to doing good to the other person (aka loving them).
So when deciding on your supplies to your customers, remember to ask whether the contents are loving. It's always personal because you are dealing with a person. Every little thing matters - because it's a person that's receiving it. If they will ask themselves why, then you should too. Always ask "why am I doing this? Is this showing love?"
Think long term
Once in a while ask yourself "if I couldn't be here anymore, if this relationship came to an end, what would its sum total come to?" What will they remember me for? Do they even have things to remember me by?
Try these out and drop me a line anytime so we can chat further. Wishing you all the best in managing your hat collection!
If you liked this article please let me know (post a comment below) and if you think a friend would like it, share it with them. Thanks for reading.
Tuesday, March 21, 2017
SUICIDE: YOU KILLED MORE THAN YOURSELF. By Abimbola Iyabo Aina-Alao
SUICIDE: YOU KILLED MORE THAN YOURSELF.
Wanna kill yourself? Imagine this. You come home from school one day. You’ve had yet another horrible day. You’re just ready to give up. So you go to your room, close the door, and take out that suicide note you’ve written and rewritten over and over and over You take out those razor blades, and cut for the very last time.
You grab that bottle of pills and take them all. Laying down, holding the letter to your chest, you close your eyes for the very last time. A few hours later, your little brother knocks on your door to come tell you dinners ready. You don’t answer, so he walks in. All he sees is you laying on your bed, so he thinks you’re asleep. He tells your mom this.
Your mom goes to your room to wake you up. She notices something is odd. She grabs the paper in your hand and reads it. Sobbing, she tries to wake you up. She’s screaming your name. Your brother, so confused, runs to go tell Dad that “Mommy is crying and sissy won’t wake up.” Your dad runs to your room. He looks at your mom, crying, holding the letter to her chest, sitting next to your lifeless body. It hits him, what’s going on, and he screams. He screams and throws something at the wall. And then, falling to his knees, he starts to cry. Your mom crawls over to him, and they sit there, holding each other, crying.
The next day at school, there’s an announcement. The principal tells everyone about your suicide. It takes a few seconds for it to sink in, and once it does, everyone goes silent. Everyone blames themselves. Your teachers think they were too hard on you. Those mean popular girls, they think of all the things they’ve said to you. That boy that used to tease you and call you names, he can’t help but hate himself for never telling you how beautiful you really are.
Your ex boyfriend, the one that you told everything to, that broke up with you.. He can’t handle it. He breaks down and starts crying, and runs out of the school. Your friends? They’re sobbing too, wondering how they could never see that anything was wrong, wishing they could have helped you before it was too late. And your best friend? She’s in shock. She can’t believe it. She knew what you were going through, but she never thought it would get that bad… Bad enough for you to end it. She can’t cry, she can’t feel anything. She stands up, walks out of the classroom, and just sinks to the floor. Shaking, screaming, but no tears coming out. It’s a few days later, at your funeral.
The whole town came. Everyone knew you, that girl with the bright smile and bubbly personality. The one that was always there for them, the shoulder to cry on. Lots of people talk about all the good memories they had with you, there were a lot. Everyone’s crying, your little brother still doesn’t know you killed yourself, he’s too young. Your parents just said you died. It hurts him, a lot. You were his big sister, you were supposed to always be there for him. Your best friend, she stays strong through the entire service, but as soon as they start lowering your casket into the ground, she just loses it. She cries and cries and doesn’t stop for days.
It’s two years later. Your teachers all quit their job. Those mean girls have eating disorders now. That boy that used to tease you cuts himself. Your ex boyfriend doesn’t know how to love anymore and just sleeps around with girls. Your friends all go into depression. Your best friend? She tried to kill herself. She didn’t succeed like you did, but she tried…your brother? He finally found out the truth about your death. He self harms, he cries at night, he does exactly what you did for years leading up to your suicide. Your parents? Their marriage fell apart. Your dad became a workaholic to distract himself from your death. Your mom got diagnosed with depression and just lays in bed all day.
People care. You may not think so, but they do. Your choices don’t just affect you. They affect everyone. Don’t end your life, you have so much to live for. Things can’t get better if you give up. I’m here for absolutely anyone that needs to talk, no matter who you are. Even if we’ve NEVER talked before, I’m here for you.
Copy and paste this as your status to show people there are people out there that care. Let's see who actually read all of it.
For anyone that feels this way, we are trying to demonstrate that someone's always listening.
#SuicideAwareness
Wanna kill yourself? Imagine this. You come home from school one day. You’ve had yet another horrible day. You’re just ready to give up. So you go to your room, close the door, and take out that suicide note you’ve written and rewritten over and over and over You take out those razor blades, and cut for the very last time.
You grab that bottle of pills and take them all. Laying down, holding the letter to your chest, you close your eyes for the very last time. A few hours later, your little brother knocks on your door to come tell you dinners ready. You don’t answer, so he walks in. All he sees is you laying on your bed, so he thinks you’re asleep. He tells your mom this.
Your mom goes to your room to wake you up. She notices something is odd. She grabs the paper in your hand and reads it. Sobbing, she tries to wake you up. She’s screaming your name. Your brother, so confused, runs to go tell Dad that “Mommy is crying and sissy won’t wake up.” Your dad runs to your room. He looks at your mom, crying, holding the letter to her chest, sitting next to your lifeless body. It hits him, what’s going on, and he screams. He screams and throws something at the wall. And then, falling to his knees, he starts to cry. Your mom crawls over to him, and they sit there, holding each other, crying.
The next day at school, there’s an announcement. The principal tells everyone about your suicide. It takes a few seconds for it to sink in, and once it does, everyone goes silent. Everyone blames themselves. Your teachers think they were too hard on you. Those mean popular girls, they think of all the things they’ve said to you. That boy that used to tease you and call you names, he can’t help but hate himself for never telling you how beautiful you really are.
Your ex boyfriend, the one that you told everything to, that broke up with you.. He can’t handle it. He breaks down and starts crying, and runs out of the school. Your friends? They’re sobbing too, wondering how they could never see that anything was wrong, wishing they could have helped you before it was too late. And your best friend? She’s in shock. She can’t believe it. She knew what you were going through, but she never thought it would get that bad… Bad enough for you to end it. She can’t cry, she can’t feel anything. She stands up, walks out of the classroom, and just sinks to the floor. Shaking, screaming, but no tears coming out. It’s a few days later, at your funeral.
The whole town came. Everyone knew you, that girl with the bright smile and bubbly personality. The one that was always there for them, the shoulder to cry on. Lots of people talk about all the good memories they had with you, there were a lot. Everyone’s crying, your little brother still doesn’t know you killed yourself, he’s too young. Your parents just said you died. It hurts him, a lot. You were his big sister, you were supposed to always be there for him. Your best friend, she stays strong through the entire service, but as soon as they start lowering your casket into the ground, she just loses it. She cries and cries and doesn’t stop for days.
It’s two years later. Your teachers all quit their job. Those mean girls have eating disorders now. That boy that used to tease you cuts himself. Your ex boyfriend doesn’t know how to love anymore and just sleeps around with girls. Your friends all go into depression. Your best friend? She tried to kill herself. She didn’t succeed like you did, but she tried…your brother? He finally found out the truth about your death. He self harms, he cries at night, he does exactly what you did for years leading up to your suicide. Your parents? Their marriage fell apart. Your dad became a workaholic to distract himself from your death. Your mom got diagnosed with depression and just lays in bed all day.
People care. You may not think so, but they do. Your choices don’t just affect you. They affect everyone. Don’t end your life, you have so much to live for. Things can’t get better if you give up. I’m here for absolutely anyone that needs to talk, no matter who you are. Even if we’ve NEVER talked before, I’m here for you.
Copy and paste this as your status to show people there are people out there that care. Let's see who actually read all of it.
For anyone that feels this way, we are trying to demonstrate that someone's always listening.
#SuicideAwareness
Monday, March 13, 2017
Savings
It's been a while, but I'm back at this. Somehow I believe it will help someone 'out there'... More on that later.
Today I just realised that part of the reason why I failed miserably in the past when I tried to save money was because I didn't really think it through.
There are a number of simple reasons why your savings plan could be dead on arrival. I'll use the seed and bread analogy from Jesus.
You're trying to save your bread. Bread is meant to be eaten. If you haven't earned enough money to feed yourself, it will be very hard to save anything.
You're trying to save seed while it's planting season. If you hold onto your seed (money, skills, etc) at the time when you should be investing, when harvest time comes (or when your bills fall due) you will end up spending that seed.
You don't know when the seasons change. This is a painful one. Distractions can keep you from knowing when your planting season or harvest season comes.
You can't tell the difference between seed, flour and bread. Seed is anything you have or know that is of value. Flour is seed that has been processed for storage and use later. Flour is a form of savings. You can save to invest later or to eat later.
You need to realise that you can save all three, but in different ways and for different periods of time.
Today I just realised that part of the reason why I failed miserably in the past when I tried to save money was because I didn't really think it through.
There are a number of simple reasons why your savings plan could be dead on arrival. I'll use the seed and bread analogy from Jesus.
You're trying to save your bread. Bread is meant to be eaten. If you haven't earned enough money to feed yourself, it will be very hard to save anything.
You're trying to save seed while it's planting season. If you hold onto your seed (money, skills, etc) at the time when you should be investing, when harvest time comes (or when your bills fall due) you will end up spending that seed.
You don't know when the seasons change. This is a painful one. Distractions can keep you from knowing when your planting season or harvest season comes.
You can't tell the difference between seed, flour and bread. Seed is anything you have or know that is of value. Flour is seed that has been processed for storage and use later. Flour is a form of savings. You can save to invest later or to eat later.
You need to realise that you can save all three, but in different ways and for different periods of time.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Placement
Nigerians have to be careful not to allow ourselves get distracted by the dim-witted but gregarious and verbose displays of people who unfortunately got a good education, little manners and 15 minutes of fame.
We need to pay attention to the upcoming federal and state elections and prepare for them.
It is important that we begin to use every forum to inform would-be office holders that we will hold them to account for the work they are elected to do.
Lagos, Enugu, Kano and Kansas don't belong to any human being. This entire planet belongs to God. He determines who occupies each territory. If you have been blessed to find sustenance and purpose in a locality, dwell in peace (as much as it possible) with all men there.
Abraham dwelt in Canaan, traded with the indigenes and probably helped them fight some battles. Yet he preserved His honor by preserving his identity and mandate. Our true uniqueness and our preservation of the same lends us honor among those whom we deal with. There is no mention in scripture of God telling Abraham NOT to let Isaac get a wife in Canaan. I stand to be corrected. It is not his ethnicity that granted him uniqueness - it was the covenant he was in with God.
Likewise we must understand what it is that matters and give that its place in our lives, preserving our true value. As we keep ourselves focused on what really matters, we align ourselves with the purposes of the Kingdom we are loyal to - the Kingdom of God.
We are effectively neither Nigerians nor Africans - we are ambassadors of heaven - and we need to behave ourselves accordingly. We are on earth to show people how government is run in heaven. When the ambassadors get their job done right, the city rejoices (my re-phrase).
So please pray for Nigeria, ask God what you can do to make this nation better and get to doing it. I've started - have you?
We need to pay attention to the upcoming federal and state elections and prepare for them.
It is important that we begin to use every forum to inform would-be office holders that we will hold them to account for the work they are elected to do.
Lagos, Enugu, Kano and Kansas don't belong to any human being. This entire planet belongs to God. He determines who occupies each territory. If you have been blessed to find sustenance and purpose in a locality, dwell in peace (as much as it possible) with all men there.
Abraham dwelt in Canaan, traded with the indigenes and probably helped them fight some battles. Yet he preserved His honor by preserving his identity and mandate. Our true uniqueness and our preservation of the same lends us honor among those whom we deal with. There is no mention in scripture of God telling Abraham NOT to let Isaac get a wife in Canaan. I stand to be corrected. It is not his ethnicity that granted him uniqueness - it was the covenant he was in with God.
Likewise we must understand what it is that matters and give that its place in our lives, preserving our true value. As we keep ourselves focused on what really matters, we align ourselves with the purposes of the Kingdom we are loyal to - the Kingdom of God.
We are effectively neither Nigerians nor Africans - we are ambassadors of heaven - and we need to behave ourselves accordingly. We are on earth to show people how government is run in heaven. When the ambassadors get their job done right, the city rejoices (my re-phrase).
So please pray for Nigeria, ask God what you can do to make this nation better and get to doing it. I've started - have you?
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