The Village People in Marriage

Some people can become so hooked to the familiar, so addicted to their background that they would rather hear the sugar-coated curses of their village people than have an open conversation with their future - their new normal.

God declared in Genesis that a man will leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This is the Master's design. It is the best model for successful marriage. This however does not make it easy to do.

Is it really hard to follow God's path?

Yes. And no. It is hard at the beginning. Jesus said that the path to paradise is narrow and is found by few people. He pretty much said that doing his will was like carrying a burden or wearing a yoke. So it is hard: somewhat. Jesus cleared this up by saying that his yoke is easy, and his burden is light.

So how and why is it hard to follow God's design? Well, firstly because we're coming out from the world. In the world, we had a way of 'doing life' (Romans 12:2) but Jesus calls us to live differently.

Without physically leaving our old 'world' behind, we are asked to start living a new life. Hence Jesus said you are in the world but you are no longer of it. The old way of doing life will surround you as you try to live the new way.

So there will be a contest or conflict for your attention. Jesus says we should not toy with this. He said we have to choose a master and stick with him. Paul said the same thing.

In life and in marriage, we have to decide whose program, whose instructions we will adopt: the familiar, old way of life or the new way of life.

Everyday, in the face of the voice of the past, we as believers have to decide to live life God's way.

May we enjoy the benefits of hearing and obeying God's voice everyday.


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Family Matters

We've all heard the expression 'she wears several hats' used to describe the state of playing multiple (and sometimes conflicting) roles in a process or relationship. 

It's a higher level of multi-tasking. If this is something you find difficult to do, this article's for you. 

How to cope with wearing many hats

Recognize all your roles

Some parents fight the role of disciplinarian. Others with multiple children try to avoid being the judge or referee in their children's lives. Unfortunately our children, loved ones and partners will not stop needing us to play our roles just because we don't like the role. Sometimes they stop expecting or asking us to play our part, but the responsibility remains ours.

It may take a while but you can list out all the roles that are expected of you by your partners or loved ones. This is the first step. 

Make a list, then discuss it with them. You would be pleasantly surprised by how well you understand their expectations. You may also discover significant differences. Your list should include serious as well as fun things. 

Actually spelling out what each role requires in time, skill and other resources can help you to decide upfront if you can play the role, or if you have to modify your life (calendar, skill level, et al) to suit the role.

This is business -  it's personal

Treat each role as a product or service that you sell, and each person as a customer. From TV I got two powerful statements: "It's not personal, it's business" and the very powerful response "Everything is personal if you're a person" To be a great salesman, you've got to know your products, but more importantly, you've got to know your customer. 

Talking with the people you relate with regularly and asking how they feel about what you do for them is very important. You've got to do it regularly but after a reasonable interval. People change - which means what you thought was great yesterday could become awful today. Keep in touch. 

Keep stock

You've got to remember how many packs of criticism you've supplied in the past three months. How many bags of hope and encouragement. How many vaccinations of praise. This matters - if you forget, then you can't defend yourself if your customer forgets.

If you've got a melancholic customer who always forgets about your hope and encouragement supplies, then you need to start delivering them through means they must acknowledge and that can be placed in their faces all day. 

If on the other hand you've got an amped customer who easily forgets corrections and constructive criticism, you've also got to get them to sign for it, in a way they won't forget. 

Remember why

Remember why you're in this. Funny as it may seem, it's some version of... Love. Yes, love. We're in relationships because we are committing ourselves to doing good to the other person (aka loving them). 

So when deciding on your supplies to your customers, remember to ask whether the contents are loving. It's always personal because you are dealing with a person. Every little thing matters - because it's a person that's receiving it. If they will ask themselves why, then you should too. Always ask "why am I doing this? Is this showing love?"

Think long term 

Once in a while ask yourself "if I couldn't be here anymore, if this relationship came to an end, what would its sum total come to?" What will they remember me for? Do they even have things to remember me by? 

Try these out and drop me a line anytime so we can chat further. Wishing you all the best in managing your hat collection!

If you liked this article please let me know (post a comment below) and if you think a friend would like it, share it with them. Thanks for reading. 

There & Back Again

Yes, it was the title Bilbo Baggins gave his story in 'The Lord of the Rings'. I thought it befitting for my return from 'there' - a hiatus I took from writing after my Father passed on earlier this year.

It's good to be back. It has been an incredible experience for me all by myself, not to talk of what the country and the world has been through in that time.

To mention a few highlights in no particular order

December 1st was my birthday. I am still absorbing the goodwill messages I received, and turning them into fuel for next year.

December 3rd was 'The Experience' - I got a chance to serve God there before returning to my regular spiritual posting in the Family Life Directorate of The House on The Rock.

In business, we developed a new product from concept to store-shelf. we are selling it now in six locations. In working on this I have had support from friends and strangers alike. I have also had disbelief from friends and strangers. You'll hear more about this later.

Family: In June my son turned 2 and in August my daughter turned 5. I love my kids more everyday - my study of them is also on-going.

Financials & God: I can't separate them. He has come through at every point, but like Joyce Meyer says, 'I wish He would stop doing that late-in-the-midnight-hour deliverance stuff.'

I've written a new song (You are Worthy) and I hope to get into a studio soon. By fire by force. Sunny Sparks where are you?

Trials in general: I've been reminded not to be ignorant of the devices of the enemy. He is an enemy and he is out to get you down by all means and in all areas of life. He uses human beings sometimes to get to us. In case you were wondering, stop wondering. There are people who mistakenly allow themselves get used by the devil and there are those who willingly do it. we have to be wary of the devil's human shields and puppets - shooting at them may expose the enemy, but at the cost of treasured relationships. One of my major lessons for this year is the art of sacrificing my ego to live at peace with all men. It's been an expensive lesson and I'm glad I learnt it.

It's been rough, but its been fun too. I give God the praise...

More to come