Family Matters

We've all heard the expression 'she wears several hats' used to describe the state of playing multiple (and sometimes conflicting) roles in a process or relationship. 

It's a higher level of multi-tasking. If this is something you find difficult to do, this article's for you. 

How to cope with wearing many hats

Recognize all your roles

Some parents fight the role of disciplinarian. Others with multiple children try to avoid being the judge or referee in their children's lives. Unfortunately our children, loved ones and partners will not stop needing us to play our roles just because we don't like the role. Sometimes they stop expecting or asking us to play our part, but the responsibility remains ours.

It may take a while but you can list out all the roles that are expected of you by your partners or loved ones. This is the first step. 

Make a list, then discuss it with them. You would be pleasantly surprised by how well you understand their expectations. You may also discover significant differences. Your list should include serious as well as fun things. 

Actually spelling out what each role requires in time, skill and other resources can help you to decide upfront if you can play the role, or if you have to modify your life (calendar, skill level, et al) to suit the role.

This is business -  it's personal

Treat each role as a product or service that you sell, and each person as a customer. From TV I got two powerful statements: "It's not personal, it's business" and the very powerful response "Everything is personal if you're a person" To be a great salesman, you've got to know your products, but more importantly, you've got to know your customer. 

Talking with the people you relate with regularly and asking how they feel about what you do for them is very important. You've got to do it regularly but after a reasonable interval. People change - which means what you thought was great yesterday could become awful today. Keep in touch. 

Keep stock

You've got to remember how many packs of criticism you've supplied in the past three months. How many bags of hope and encouragement. How many vaccinations of praise. This matters - if you forget, then you can't defend yourself if your customer forgets.

If you've got a melancholic customer who always forgets about your hope and encouragement supplies, then you need to start delivering them through means they must acknowledge and that can be placed in their faces all day. 

If on the other hand you've got an amped customer who easily forgets corrections and constructive criticism, you've also got to get them to sign for it, in a way they won't forget. 

Remember why

Remember why you're in this. Funny as it may seem, it's some version of... Love. Yes, love. We're in relationships because we are committing ourselves to doing good to the other person (aka loving them). 

So when deciding on your supplies to your customers, remember to ask whether the contents are loving. It's always personal because you are dealing with a person. Every little thing matters - because it's a person that's receiving it. If they will ask themselves why, then you should too. Always ask "why am I doing this? Is this showing love?"

Think long term 

Once in a while ask yourself "if I couldn't be here anymore, if this relationship came to an end, what would its sum total come to?" What will they remember me for? Do they even have things to remember me by? 

Try these out and drop me a line anytime so we can chat further. Wishing you all the best in managing your hat collection!

If you liked this article please let me know (post a comment below) and if you think a friend would like it, share it with them. Thanks for reading. 

Carrying on

I remember reading in a book that if you are picking a journal, you should pick one that you are not afraid to scribble on. It shouldn't be so plush that you can't just put down a loose or fleeting thought on it.

This write up may just be a digital version of a scribble. So please lower your expectations slightly.

I stayed home today (largely). Anyone close to me knows that that warrants a good laugh, cuz I can stay home at will. I enjoy the life of an entrepreneur. I don't go out unless I (or my customers) make me. Never apologise for your lifestyle choices. I expect a 9-5er to enjoy their day as well as I do.

One of the challenges with that is this very activity in which I am engaged. Blogging. Amongst so many other social networking related activities. If your boss or employer is a prude, finding out you've been online could translate into a CLM (career limiting move) *more laughs*

I got to sit down and watch Channels TV to see my friends (yeah, I got personal friends that are TV personalities). If you strip away the cheesy CNN-wanna-be montages (with the dude talking passionately about 'íssues', and 'making the news simple' for us to understand as opposed to NTA that does that thing they do) it actually makes good viewing.

I was happy to see my former roommate in U.I. analysing/commenting on sports. Jyde-o, I hail. I always knew there was a strong possibility he would end up an avid sports enthusiast/commentator. I guess sports don't leave you so easily. Moving forward.

Today I bless God for His faithfulness. The devil keeps getting up to be used as a floormat to line my path to victory. I guess I don't mind. Up next, Winning Ways. 100% Life Improvement... Nice series.

Keep walking with Jesus. That is the Victory. This is the end of this scribble.

Re: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: I didn't believe it myself....

There should be a combination of alphabets for the 'throwing up' sound. If you've got any ideas please pass them across.

For me they surfaced right after yr. 2000. From the fun-filled to the bizarre, every time I checked my box, there'd be a fresh batch. From friends, and more annoying, from strangers.

The rise to fame of the internet and communication thereby has birthed....

The Fwd Ninjas

My friend Domike Isiodu coined this term a while back and it made an impression, seeing as I witnessed the many mailbox purging sessions he had to carry out each day to get to his actual email messages.

Don't get me wrong, I love a good joke any time. What I hate are the ones I call threat letters, with the ubiquitous 'fwd this to 4billion people in seven minutes or your computer will shut down' clause at the end. I tire for people.

I have opted to see these things in as good a light as possible, but also to study why they thrive:

We love to keep in touch. Have you poked anyone lately? (Can I get an amen from the facebook crew?) It's all good. Really it's very necessary. To know that we aren't alone, that we aren't losing it, and that if we are, there are people who can help us get 'it' back - whatever it is. It is amazing how your faith is strengthened by meeting someone who has owed more money than you and paid it off, or who was unemployed for longer than you but has landed 'the Job' or who suffered an illness but walked out of the hospital unaided.

Faith is powerful. God is awesome. So why can't we just believe He can handle any challenge in our way? I like to believe that it might be because we haven't heard Him say it in a language He knows we understand best - through a living witness.

'So when you are come out of these trials and your children/friends ask you how far, let your children know that it was by the strength of the Hand of God that you were delivered' (Exod 13:14 paraphrased) This is why Jesus came back after the resurrection - to be our first living witness to say 'it is done and it is available to everybody'.

My peoples, when you get those almost meaningless offline messages, texts, email messages (email does not have plural: so stop writing 'emails'. ka ji ko?), do reply. Cud be someone is shouting for help on the smoke-screened battlefield of life, and they just at least want to know that they are not alone.

But sha let's not send those ones with funny funny ultimatums!

Much love.

Life in the sheep fold - That sweet Spirit

I love Pizza

Our life in God is like a very 'correct' pizza, enriched with an assortment of surprises, well-dispersed along the plains of perfectly baked flour that have been lovingly coated with molten cheese... (I leave the rest to your imagination)

Every christian knows that Jesus compared us to sheep। Why, he called Himself the Good Shepherd (John 10:14). This is one of many things Jesus told the disciples in a bid to get them to understand who he was and who they were.

I know that the sheep fold example talks about just one view of the Kingdom, but it interests me because it speaks of our continuing need for instruction, counsel and guidance।

After we learn the first few things about the Kingdom, we charge into the world and grab everybody by the collar and go 'repent or perish!' It takes a lot of energy to get people saved! So after a while, we run out of steam; then God calls us back to the fold। This cycle repeats itself throughout our lives, and these seasons of refreshing are carried out by an erudite faculty.

Welcome to the department of the Holy Spirit। I think He is a better example of a multi-tasker than the usual 'mother/wife in the household' idea...

...When we have chewed a mouthful of the emptier portions of our segment, He causes us to encounter a chunk of protein, lying alongside a piece of mushroom and some pepperoni। After that a cold sprite is on hand to douse our reactivated taste buds.

I love the Holy Spirit because He is really everything। He can use anything or any one to get a message across to you; but beyond that, He can tell you if the stuff you are hearing is right. (and believe me we hear a lot everyday - from the world, from our peers, from ourselves in the bathroom when we are alone, doing self-assessment)

God's love casts out fear from my heart because if I didn't know that He has approved of me already, I'd feel really rotten everytime I flopped। I'd think that an opportunity has just been lost and life is passing me by and... on and on and on। When we get caught up in this we could go on for weeks. Till we are exhausted. Then that sweet Spirit speaks (I burst out in tongues here) Sometimes he talks like a Delta man:

"Omo, na me wey call you। Everytin wey dey, dey my hand। U bi my pikin; u bi my pesin. Na me hol whistle, na me dey give prize. I don declare say na u go win. Wetin con dey worry u like dis? I don tell u before say u and lagbaja no dey go de same journey - so make u no dey look 'im side. Dis tin wey do u, dis place wey u dey, ur neighbours call am graveyard because dem be illitrate - me I dey call am valley of shadow of death - na one of my best classroom. When the microwave finish, eh, na so u go hear 'CHING!!!' and e go come be like say na yesterday we dem see u as one small boy, and overnight u come be Prime Minister.

Everytin wey dey, dey my hand। So...tell dem say No shaking!"

I don't know how anyone can live without that sweet spirit। If you won't tell your neighbour to get saved, at least tell him/her what they are missing।

The peace of the Lord be with you।

Derek Nwafor