Relationships... and other stuff

Opposites attract... then drive each other crazy.

There are some areas where I believe similarities are not negotiable.

Brother beware when you are going through a catalogue of living room furniture and happen upon a picture of a home and she says 'I don't like this picture... the house doesn't look lived in' There is a possibility that she doesn't mind having varied items lying around the house round the clock. If you are a neatness freak, decide on what you can/cannot tolerate.

Learning - Adult education continued

Whoa!

I am tired - and that's not the bad news or the sad part. It's just the appertif. I am allowed to be tired. I exhausted myself by trying to figure out God's next steps. I have a gift that God gave me - it is not unique to me. I believe everybody has the same ability. To see. To know truth from falsehood. If we honestly look at our lives, we'll know what we are doing wrong and what to do to get back on track. It is the will to do it that makes the difference. Part of this seeing is seeing what we need to do next. Seeing the future... detour...

Flowing from my open mind I decided to surf the internet last night and came across an article by a lady who says she had been a lesbian for decades but over the past 5 years had met a man, fallen in love, and had four kids. She admitted in the article that she knows a lot of gay people will hate her for alluding to the fact that sexuality is a matter of choice and not a genetically predetermined state. As she expected, there was a shower of responses stating just that. They are still arguing. Me, I came away from the site with a lesson: (some) people are afraid of taking responsibility for their lives and their situation and will give anything to put the blame for it any and everywhere else.

Another lesson learned is that the cost of total transparency can be so great that people have to hide behind 'usernames' and 'avatars'. Luckily the internet provides this escape for many people, even though some of the responses and advice that comes to them are 'unbudgetted for' :)

Me I have 'market to sell' so I use social media to reach out to prospects. It works just fine for me. Back to the human will.

I will be honest with myself and admit that I am often tempted to be impatient with God (that's positive confession-ese for I am impatient and compulsive), and I run ahead of him sometimes just so that things can 'move along'. I have gotten into enough messes by trying to jump-start stuff, but still I cannot stand idleness, or that 'being in-between' state. It is harrowing. I can SEE the next steps as clear as day. I know what needs to happen... So like Snappy Doo I say: "let me at it!!!" even though I may be biting off more than I can chew.

Which brings me to my dilemma. Can people really change? Would I be deceiving myself to presume that someday I will by a calculated, methodical series of 'actions' which become 'habits' which then form my 'lifestyle' transition into a patient dog, waiting for the fattest bone? How will this change occur? Is what I am trying to change really that bad? Will the bone show up in the end? Who's bringing it? Or do I simply need to by SELF-CONTROL, practise being led by the Spirit of God? Hmm...

I identify with Joyce Meyer and Benny Hinn in their love of perfection and getting things done in a certain way. I learned from Joyce that some elements of what the psychs call OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder - which is a general term covering a multitude of anomalies) is embedded in her/my personality make up. I love motion, progress, symphony, order, sequence (I also love pauses, but only where they should occur and for a specified duration under certain specified conditions) :)

In trying to change myself I have found that it is impossible to unlearn what has been learned (Go and ask Adam and Eve how much they would pay to unlearn the knowledge of good and evil, or better still ask God why He didn't give them a lobotomy) rather what God has designed is that greater life, greater truth, higher laws can be learned, introduced and lived by, that elevate us from the limitations of our previous and ONLY known way of doing things (personality). So for an aggressive perfectionist, adding on NEW skills (like giving people the benefit of the doubt, empathy, listening, investing in training subordinates, etc) then using them rightly, causes the difference. So the change in a person is not that they by encountering Jesus forget how to steal or rob or bark at people, but that they learn how to create and give instead.

This is the true nature of change. We must exercise our wills to do the new things that we have learned and stop doing the wrong things we learned in the past. A distinction must be made between ABused skills and bad habits. Being particular, attentive to details and 'generally fussy' about order/arrangement of things and plans is not bad. It is a highly sought-after skill in the workplace. It can, however be misapplied or ABused, when the person NEVER allows for input from others, insists on their own way, or refuses to accommodate any 'failures' or departures from their preferred standard. Being inflexible is a bad habit that is often adopted by perfectionists.

People with OCD-ish tendencies need to submit themselves to the Spirit and to God's love. It is only in trusting God that they will find the freedom to release things into His hands and ask for His leading. We can only trust God when we become aware of His love for us... when we see just how committed He is to giving us the best life possible in spite of our imperfect selves. (Obsessive people see very well. Believe it or not, one of the things we see very very very well, is our own imperfections.) Having become a beneficiary of that love that overlooked all our imperfections and ajudged us righteous, we develop the capacity to be mellow and patient. We do not lose our sense of structure and order and propriety, but we put it in its place: under the love with which God has loved us.

The Higher Law/Way takes over from there and peace comes in to secure us in the in-betweens.

So now I can sleep better ;)

Time Travel

I see the future. I saw it yesterday. I've seen it today.

Anthropologists tell us that by studying a culture you change it. Every time I see my future, I change it. I improve it. I don't see only myself in the future. I see you. I see Nigeria.

Nigerians expect and receive service from public servants. We do not honor thieves, fraudsters or reprobate businessmen. How would we? They're all in jail; rightly dressed in garlands of ridicule.

Nigerians do not deceive themselves by believing that someone else will attend to the issues of the day. They without hesitation roll up their sleeves and get things resolved.

There is a clanishness to our communities. People know their neighbours: all of them. Irrespective of religious beliefs, all the residents come together in times of celebration or sobriety. They are honest, straightforward and transparent. They say it like it is.

There is calm in the land. It almost seems as if the city and people are laid back, but don't be fooled. These Nigerians are smart and very industrious. They've made a name for themselves on the world stage in commerce, science, sports, politics, you name it. Yet in the face of that they are so... humble.

This is one country where every citizen is allowed to blossom as they discover their talents.

What do you see when you see the future? Do you dare to create it with the word of YOUR power? You do not need to answer that question: the answer is yes.

You indeed do create it every minute of every day when you speak. Understand that nature obeys your command: it doesn't dare ask you whether you REALLY wanted what you said. It just gets it across to you.

Travel to the future. Describe it. You will live it. Have a good one.

Carrying on

I remember reading in a book that if you are picking a journal, you should pick one that you are not afraid to scribble on. It shouldn't be so plush that you can't just put down a loose or fleeting thought on it.

This write up may just be a digital version of a scribble. So please lower your expectations slightly.

I stayed home today (largely). Anyone close to me knows that that warrants a good laugh, cuz I can stay home at will. I enjoy the life of an entrepreneur. I don't go out unless I (or my customers) make me. Never apologise for your lifestyle choices. I expect a 9-5er to enjoy their day as well as I do.

One of the challenges with that is this very activity in which I am engaged. Blogging. Amongst so many other social networking related activities. If your boss or employer is a prude, finding out you've been online could translate into a CLM (career limiting move) *more laughs*

I got to sit down and watch Channels TV to see my friends (yeah, I got personal friends that are TV personalities). If you strip away the cheesy CNN-wanna-be montages (with the dude talking passionately about 'íssues', and 'making the news simple' for us to understand as opposed to NTA that does that thing they do) it actually makes good viewing.

I was happy to see my former roommate in U.I. analysing/commenting on sports. Jyde-o, I hail. I always knew there was a strong possibility he would end up an avid sports enthusiast/commentator. I guess sports don't leave you so easily. Moving forward.

Today I bless God for His faithfulness. The devil keeps getting up to be used as a floormat to line my path to victory. I guess I don't mind. Up next, Winning Ways. 100% Life Improvement... Nice series.

Keep walking with Jesus. That is the Victory. This is the end of this scribble.

Nigeria Evolving - preparing for 2011

Once upon a time, people in Nigeria were content to live in their city, go from home to work to church to school to market, occasionally to hospital and maybe twice a year travel home to the Villa (largely for us Easterners who love the good life :) )

Governance to us was like 'what happens on Pluto'. The average Nigerian didn't have a clue about the goings on in the corridors of power. We were easily satisfied. Our leaders assured us that life would get better in a short while if we just 'structurally adjusted' ourselves a bit. So people adjusted a bit and continued having kids.

Thirty years down the line, our population has exploded while our infrastructure has decayed at every point it can, but something else happened - our eyes got opened. It's interesting how the pet 'gators people grow come back to bite them in the behind. Our leaders partly under pressure from the international community had no choice but to transit to democracy, liberating the media.

It became easier for us (and when I say us, I mean the entire population) to SEE that our leaders didn't quite adjust themselves along with us back in the day, and they still do not. They cannot hide it anymore. We know they are thieves.

The story is told of how information trickled down to the Niger Delta from one of its sons who made his way to Abuja - the new capital - to see what their blood has been used to achieve - for other people. The rest is headline material. That situation took time to unfold, and has cost countless lives. I believe that the double layered shrouds of secrecy and ignorance contributed greatly to this.

Today, I thank God that the situation is significantly different. We have television and radio stations run by people who will not be easily muzzled by errant leaders. Beyond that we have a telecommunications network through which information can literally get to every citizen within hours. The total number of lines in Nigeria has exceeded the number of citizens.
The World Bank puts the Nigerian internet user population at 23,982,200 as at 2008 while wikipedia quoting Internetworldstats.com puts it at 43,985,000 (or 28.9% of the population which they estimate is 152mn) as at 2010.

I'm not here to debate the stats, but they are worth considering.

WE ARE NO LONGER IGNORANT, so we cannot complain anymore. Article after article, news report upon news report have alerted us of the shenanigans of our elder statesmen before they become national disasters.

To our credit, within the last eight years, we have gotten up and shouted 'HELL NO!' when some of these unconstitutional acts were about to be perpetrated.

Now it's time to take it a step further. Come January 2011, get up and out of your home and register to vote. Your vote is your mandate, your voice, your blessing, your prayer, your will, your desire for your children's country.

We have to elect people who will deliver the goods. Let me digress here to say that Nigeria decayed in the time it took me to grow up. I watched as the quality of English spoken by Primary school teachers, then Secondary school teachers then University lecturers decayed to the point that as an employer of labour, I don't even ask which university the candidate attended. I just administer an aptitude test and take it from there.

IT IS POSSIBLE TO TURN IT AROUND INSIDE THE REMAINDER OF MY TIME ON THIS PLANET. IF...

... we elect a sane President who will appoint competent ministers that will drive their portfolios like Fortune 500 companies. If you are my peer and reading this, I feel God telling me to tell you that you MUST offer and try and get to serve in the government of Nigeria sometime before you leave this planet. You have the giftings, you have the character and you have God. You are the one that we are looking for.

Get into it. Get the young people who you influence to go and register. Tell your friends, debate with the naysayers and argue the case for a better Nigeria. In every way and at every opportunity, do all that your hand finds to do to move this nation up and forwards. God bless.

There & Back Again

Yes, it was the title Bilbo Baggins gave his story in 'The Lord of the Rings'. I thought it befitting for my return from 'there' - a hiatus I took from writing after my Father passed on earlier this year.

It's good to be back. It has been an incredible experience for me all by myself, not to talk of what the country and the world has been through in that time.

To mention a few highlights in no particular order

December 1st was my birthday. I am still absorbing the goodwill messages I received, and turning them into fuel for next year.

December 3rd was 'The Experience' - I got a chance to serve God there before returning to my regular spiritual posting in the Family Life Directorate of The House on The Rock.

In business, we developed a new product from concept to store-shelf. we are selling it now in six locations. In working on this I have had support from friends and strangers alike. I have also had disbelief from friends and strangers. You'll hear more about this later.

Family: In June my son turned 2 and in August my daughter turned 5. I love my kids more everyday - my study of them is also on-going.

Financials & God: I can't separate them. He has come through at every point, but like Joyce Meyer says, 'I wish He would stop doing that late-in-the-midnight-hour deliverance stuff.'

I've written a new song (You are Worthy) and I hope to get into a studio soon. By fire by force. Sunny Sparks where are you?

Trials in general: I've been reminded not to be ignorant of the devices of the enemy. He is an enemy and he is out to get you down by all means and in all areas of life. He uses human beings sometimes to get to us. In case you were wondering, stop wondering. There are people who mistakenly allow themselves get used by the devil and there are those who willingly do it. we have to be wary of the devil's human shields and puppets - shooting at them may expose the enemy, but at the cost of treasured relationships. One of my major lessons for this year is the art of sacrificing my ego to live at peace with all men. It's been an expensive lesson and I'm glad I learnt it.

It's been rough, but its been fun too. I give God the praise...

More to come

Social Development - Keeping Score

Several months back (this must be more than a year ago), I was driving into Ikeja from Maryland using the Opebi link road/bridge. For some reason, there was a hold up leading IN to Opebi right from the bridge.

Now this happens ocassionally, and some of the more popular causes include an FRSC check point that appears on Opebi right after you make the turn, a police check point that is rather frequent on the bridge itself, or, my personal favorite, an overloaded, rickety tipper truck that has lost control/momentum trying to negotiate the tight inclined U-turn at the end of the street (I empathise with the property owners at that particular stretch, who must have provided the final speed breaker to the trailer/truck as it, against every prayer of its driver, determinedly made its way backward into their fence.) That is another story.

Oh yes! Lest I forget, there is also another near favorite of mine, the impatient twins from different parents who make their way side by side around the U-turn, refusing to allow the other pass, and almost unbelievably, inevitably end up scraping each others' cars and proceeding to engage in the ubiquitous street interchange which I call the 'Do you know who I am' dialogue.

Nonetheless I think all of these options would have suited me quite well on this day in contrast to what I eventually found out was causing the hold up. This hold up by the way stretched into Opebi past our field of vision. Not wanting to bother with the James Bond option of running through the back of Opebi area past the Methodist church and all, I decided to wait it out.

We crawled our way to a bend in the road, and finally caught a glimpse of the obstruction.

Bank PHB had arrived on Opebi to provide not just state-of-the-art but futuristic Banking services to the deserving people of Ikeja. You know Bank PHB, they've got those wonderful commercials that pushed all other Nigerian Banks' commercials into the stone age. They even sponsored a very entertaining reality tv show to challenge Nigerians to aspire to greater things, develop their skills etc. Their vision has to do with the world of Tomorrow, where the impossible does not exist.

I am getting ahead of myself. The road had been constricted from two already suffocating lanes to ONE. Our Bank of tomorrow had commenced construction of their shiny new lego-look-alike outlet when they ran out of space to dump sand. I am guessing that between the construction company and the Projects Division of this Bank of the Future, they happened upon a ground breaking idea - drop this 20-25 tonnes of sand on the street! WOW! I can see all the light bulbs coming on. What a bright idea! Absolutely brilliant!

And they did it! And here we were, crawling our way past, thankful that the situation wasn't worse. The irony in all this; officers of this branch were in my office a few weeks later soliciting my account. You want more irony? The staff in question was an old friend who had just hopped from one bank to this one. With a bit of arm twisting, I opened an account with this same branch. Their services and support.... that is another story. Correction: that is a novel.

Anyway, I did get through the traffic and I lived on to see another day. Bank PHB is here to stay, but this event left a bitter taste and disturbing questions on my mind. As a country are we becoming more accomodating of inappropriate conduct in every sphere of life? Do we speak up when something isn't right? Or do we continue to endure?

I have decided to criticise things about myself and others around me that do not line up with truth and equity. Not too long ago this same institution started running an Ad series that silently compared people providing service with people in positions of 'authority/power', asking whether you would rather be madam Jane or maid Jane?

I cannot agree that these positions are opposites. Service is not the opposite of Authority/Power. You never stop serving. I run my own business, but I work for (i.e. I SERVE) my customers. They call me out regularly, they give me orders, they make crazy demands, and I say yes Sir, no Ma, to them with regularity. In a country where we are trying to get things working, service must not be devalued. 'If everybodi become oga, who go be boy boy?' This is part of the silent concept that people in authority are there to (pardon the local language) 'jollof', while everyone else slaves away in hopeless futility.

The truth however, is that no-one rises without service, and that service never ends.

It is because we accomodate stuff that our leaders can rise to places of authority and work unsupervised, leave office and not give an account of their stewardship. What would the country be like if we had a website that shows every company that has received a government contract, how much of it they did and how much of the contract sum they got paid?

What of state Governors? What if we could put them all on a score sheet and compare funds received with projects executed? How different would our lives be? Some people like to say it is hard to tell what is going on in there till you get in. I say there is a corellation between what we can see and what has been done. Money does not vanish. It moves from hand to hand.

If we cannot at the end of your tenure see X kilometers of roads, X number of hospitals/schools, X number of projects carried out, then you are a failure (AND MUST REFUND THE MISSING MONEY). PERIOD. And the whole country will know it. Then we would be fools to let you enter that office again.

The principle is the same. Keeping score. Personally. In your health. In our office. In your company. In your block of flats. On your street. In your city, state or country. Are you keeping score? If you aren't, start doing it today.